CBT for Low Self-Esteem and Perfectionism

Low self-esteem and perfectionism are not mental health problems per se, but they are often long-standing problems which can result in anxiety and depression. They are also two of the areas I specialise in.

Perfectionism is more than liking things done well. It is a pattern in which your self-worth becomes tied to meeting extremely high standards, usually in one particular area of life. When how you feel about yourself as a person depends on how well you perform, every task carries a threat.

The problem is rarely a lack of effort. It is that the rules you are living by are impossible to keep.

How does CBT help with low self-esteem and perfectionism?

CBT can help you to:

• Spot the rules and standards you are living by, and where they came from
• Test out those standards through behavioural experiments, such as deliberately doing something “good enough” and seeing what actually happens
• Challenge unhelpful thinking patterns and cognitive biases
• Reduce avoidance, procrastination and over-checking
• Broaden the sources of your self-worth so that it is more balanced and resilient
• Build self-compassion and a kinder inner voice

Where does your self-worth come from?

A helpful image is a ship. A basic fishing boat has one compartment below deck; one hole and it sinks. A cruise liner has many compartments, so if one is breached it can be sealed off and the ship stays afloat. If your self-worth is spread across many areas, such as work, friendships, family, hobbies, health and values, a setback in one area doesn’t sink you.

I have written more about this in CBT for Perfectionism: Break Free from Impossible Standards.